We're Baaaaaack.
Well, we are back, better than ever! Or, at the very least, we are back.
Mattyman and Vannyboy took...
Below are the exclusive excerpts from an exclusive upcoming tell-all exclusive story where the exclusively beloved actor, R2-D2 exclusively whistles and clicks about his exclusive experience in making the exclusive Star Wars exclusive movie exclusive franclusiveise.
Vannyboy: Mr. 2, thank you for taking this time to talk to us. Mattyman and I are, of course, really big fans, and find out that the older we get the bigger we are and it's harder to lose the weight. But regardless, we are fans, as are, and I'm not exaggerating here, every single Gen-Xer to ever live in this, or any other, universe.
R2-D2: SQUEAK SWWEEE WHRIRT WROOOOooo.
Mattyman: That is so nice of you to say so. When were you originally approached to join the cast of Star Wars?
R2-D2: WHRRIIICKCKC ROOOOOooo TWIKK KIIWWRRTT ZZZOORROO...
Mattyman: 1976. That makes sense. Where there any concerns you had about the role?
R2-D2: WRRRRIIIIIIIiiii ZZRRROOOO TWWK TWWK ROOOooo bROOOO...
Vannyboy: Wait...George Lucas wanted you to shoot the ENTIRE movie in the nude?!?
Mattyman: But...you look the same in every picture we've ever seen. Even right now, in this interview, you look the same.
R2-D2: BIIKKK BIK RRRWOOOOooo.
Vannyboy: Well, you might have worn some pants or something, R2. It's odd sitting here talking to you now knowing that you are literally completely necked.
Mattyman: Would it make you more comfortable, R2, if Vannyboy and I were both naked? We don't have to be naked, but we can be. We would drop trow right now and hop in that hot tub right there and splash water on each other and...
Vannyboy: Matt!! Think about what you are saying!
Mattyman: Sorry, Vannyboy. I shouldn't have volunteered you to be nude.
Vannyboy: It's not that, dolt! You want to sit in a hot tub with what is, in essence, a smartass toaster? No offense, R2...
R2-D2: WRREEEEeeeooo.
Mattyman: Sorry, back on subject. Why did Lucas insist on you being nude the whole shoot?
R2-D2: CLICCCCKKKK SHHHHEE ZOOOooo TIK TIK TOOOooooo.
Mattyman: So, it wasn't really Lucas, it was only on the insistence of C-3PO?
Vannyboy: Wait, I thought C-3PO was a lesbian?
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LATER IN THE BOOK
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R2-D2: TWWWIIIIILLLLllll ZIIIIIIIRRRRRKKKKK MI MI PORRRRROOOIIIIIiiii.
Vannyboy: All the way up to your nipples!?
Mattyman: Damn, that's a lot of cocaine. Even for the 70s!
R2-D2: PPPRRREEEEE.
Mattyman and Vannyboy: HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
Vannyboy: Classic R2!
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STILL LATER IN THE BOOK
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Mattyman: So, if we can get personal here for a bit, it was reported three years ago that you almost died in a botched repainting incident. Why did you feel you needed to go under the brush?
R2-D2: WRRROOOOOO PIIINNNNZZZ ZIMMMM ROOOP ROOP ROOOOOOOP SSSHHHIIII POOOooo WHWHWHRRRIIIiii TWWIII LIII LIIIIII ZIIIRRR PI PIII ZZZIIIRRRR WHIIIIZZZZ ZIIIHWWW ROOO POOOooooo PIIINNNNWRROO ZIIIIIZZZ POOMMM RRIIIIIIRRRIIIII ZZZZRRROOOMMM. RRRIIIIMMMMZZZZZ RRII RIRI RIRIRI RIRIIIR ZZZPPPXXX ROOOO PPORRRIIITTT WOMMWMMROOZZZ RUUUMMMRURU RURUR ZZZIIIMMRRROO ROOR ORORR ZZI PIZZZIIX PIXXP ROOOOooii TRTRIII RIRISSSSHHH ZZWWIIITT PPPOOOORROOO RORO ROP ZIPPRRRIII ZZIIRRITITI RIQQQ.
Vannyboy: Yes, it is hard to compete with CGI.
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EVEN LATER IN THE BOOK
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Mattyman: So you fully deny the allegations against you?
R2-D2: WHHRRRiii.
Vannyboy: The alcoholism and drug abuse?
R2-D2: WHHRRRiii.
Mattyman: Randomly zapping a homeless man in the weenis with 600 volts?
R2-D2: WHHRRRiii.
Vannyboy: Pissing oil off the tower in Coresant at Leah and Han's wedding?
R2-D2: WHHRRRiii.
Mattyman: Biting the head off a Porg during a concert in Des Moines, Iowa on January 20, 1982?
R2-D2: WHHRRRiii.
Vannyboy: Refusing to get back on set until Lucas apologized for kicking you in the nuts.
R2-D2: ZZIIIMM ZZIIIRRKK.
Vannyboy: And bolts, yes. Sorry.
R2-D2: WHHRRRiii.
Mattyman: Even of the affair with KITT from Knight Rider fame?
R2-D2: WHHRRRiii.
Vannyboy: What about the accusations of you snorting pure motor oil off the chassis of high-dollar prostitutes at Studio 54?
R2-D2: WHHRRRiii.
Mattyman: And using your eye-portal-camera thing to take pictures of guys peeing in the bathroom and selling them to Vladimir Putin?
R2-D2: I did that one.
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Read the rest of this exclusive made up story in the upcoming tell-all biography: R2-D2: Dynamo Of Hate, coming soon.
